St Louis Father's Rights Divorce Attorney Blog

Father's custody and visitation rights are ignored

2013-05-24T13:41:04Z

Though we hope such a circumstance is uncommon, one particular father has not seen his children in close to two years. The last time he saw his children back in 2011, delays in dropping the children off by their mother resulted in this father only able to see his children for two hours.

This could be a part of what is called parental alienation. This results when one parent turns the children against the other parent by various ploys. For example, the mother may cast aspersions upon the father in front of their children, may play on the children's emotions, or may simply deprive the children of the opportunity to see their father.

]]> Too often in child custody situations, visitation orders are ignored and the father is unfairly deprived of the opportunity of seeing their children on a regular basis. And rather than make waves by bringing this matter to the attention of the courts, the father gives in to circumstances.

The goal of all child custody matters in the state of Missouri is to make sure that the needs of the children are being met. It is important that both parents play a vital role in the lives of their children. Family law attorneys can help clients revisit matters where the need of both parents participating in their children's lives is being ignored.

Unfortunately, attorneys can do little if parents do not come to them for assistance. Allowing one parent to have dominant influence over a couple's children ultimately results in harm to everyone - especially the children.

Source: City Week, "Even With Court-Ordered Visitation Rights, This Divorced Father Still Got Dumped by His Kids," by Carolyn Campbell, April 24, 2013

Trend increasing of women paying alimony to ex-husbands

2013-05-17T13:03:00Z

It used to be that husbands always out-earned their wives. Many times, these husbands went to work while the wives stayed home, raised the children and ran the household. Due to this arrangement, when there was a divorce, it was the man who would be paying his ex-wife alimony. The idea was that this money was due to the fact that the woman had sacrificed her own earning potential to maximize that of her husband's.

However, looking at marriage and divorce today, much has changed with one of the largest differences being who is the breadwinner in the house. While it used to be the man, now there are plenty of family situations where the woman is out-earning her husband. In some cases, this means the wife might be the one working, while husband stays home with the children. In other cases, it is that the husband's earnings are supplemental to his wife's.

]]> In terms of divorce, what this shift in earning means is that it is not unheard of for a woman to be paying her ex-husband alimony. In fact, as more women become breadwinners, this is a trend that is growing.

From a logistical standpoint, one would say this trend makes sense. Since woman used to be the ones typically receiving alimony due to staying home with children, shouldn't the same scenario hold true for men?

In many Missouri divorces, spousal support can be a major point of contention. Those who stayed home with the children, essentially putting their own careers on hold, may feel their ex-spouse should be paying them alimony each month. This is why in cases where it was the father who stayed home to take care of his family, the husband should feel no quams about pushing for spousal support.

Keep in mind that an attorney with experience handling spousal support in Missouri can advocate for either side -- those fathers wanting to receive it and those trying to negotiate their spousal support payments.

Source: Time, "The De-Gendering of Divorce: Wives Pay Ex-Husbands Alimony Too," Liza Mundy, April 16, 2013.

Custody battles: Missouri parents should know what to expect

2013-05-13T15:01:02Z

Child custody battles in Missouri can be a real headache. Especially, when one parent is financially more well-off than the other. While money will not necessarily give them the upper hand in the courtroom, it does mean that with money not being an issue, this parent can continue to appeal rulings and drag the case out in court.

Recently, one parent came out talking about her own child custody battle. In her case, she ended up finally giving up. Primary custody was awarded to her wealthy ex.

]]> In this case, giving up was certainly the last thing she wanted to do. But after coming to the realization that her ex was just going to keep appealing any courtroom decisions he did not like, she gave in. Her ex was given custody of their son.

For Missouri fathers who are reading this, there are some lessons to be learned. The first is that while this mother eventually did decide to stop the custody battle, this was also a case where the child was in a safe environment with his father. If for some reason abuse issues were at play, she would have kept fighting.

Additionally, in cases where custody is not evenly split, fathers should not take this as a complete loss. Rather, now is the time to focus on having a fair visitation schedule. Not having primary custody is not the same as not having any rights as a father.

In the end, keep in mind that going through a custody battle is an emotionally trying time. This is not to say parents should just give up, rather it is just a realistic expectation.

Source: The Huffington Post, "Custody Battles: Are They Worth the Fight," Pauline Gaines, May 7, 2013

Missouri parents: Include college costs in divorce settlements

2013-05-08T23:27:05Z

While Missouri parents tend to focus on things like child custody and visitation schedules during a divorce, parents also need to be focusing on just how they are going to pay for their children's college education in the future. Ideally, these conversations should be happening in order for the plan to be included in the divorce settlement. Essentially, the settlement will discuss how much each parent is going to be paying for college.

In some situations, married couples may have already started a 529 plan account. These accounts are an investment account favored for educational purposes. With these types of accounts, parents have options.

]]> Some parents go the route of having a 529 account froze. What this means is no more money can be deposited or taken out of the account. The money that is already in it can also only be used for the designated child or children. Going this route ensures that the money will not be used by an ex-spouse for college for a child from a second marriage. Instead, the money in this account will stay going to the original intended recipient.

If there is concern over just one parent having control over a 529 account, a judge can also order for it to be split. This means that if there is $10,000 in an account, it would be split into two separate accounts with each parent in charge of one account having $5,000. These two separate accounts can also be used by each parent toward the overall amount each agrees to pay for college costs in their divorce settlement.

In the end, keep in mind that the obligations a parent signs up for now in a divorce settlement must be met in the future. This is why no part of the divorce process should be rushed. What seems like a good idea today may not be the best choice tomorrow. Rather, talk with a family law attorney in order to go over all the logistics of the divorce.

Source: U.S. News & World Report, "Discuss College Savings During Divorce Process," Reyna Gobel, April 29, 2013

Kris Humphries divorce finally finalized

2013-05-06T15:15:05Z

Back in January we posted about the fact that NBA star Kris Humphries had rejected a $10 million divorce settlement from Kim Kardashian. Rather, he wanted an annulment, claiming Kardashian used him and their marriage as a publicity stunt. This reason would fall under fraud, which is a primary reason for seeking an annulment.

For many Missouri men, the long, drawn out saga of the Humphries and Kardashian divorce would seem like anyone's worst nightmare. The two were married in an over-the-top wedding that was televised for its own special on E!. However, just 72 days later Kardashian initiated the divorce citing irreconcilable differences. The divorce case went on for 536 days.

]]> Humphries was not going to just accept a divorce settlement and move on. Rather, the battle had just begun. Rather than accept a multi-million dollar divorce settlement, Humphries demanded an annulment. Not only had his feelings been hurt and he felt taken advantage of, there were reports he was hoping to be able to fall in love and get married in a church again later in life.

Dr. Jane Greer, a marriage and family therapist, said that Humphries reaction is understandable. While many would think a spouse would just want out of an unhappy marriage, in cases where that spouses feels betrayed, there is the tendency to want revenge. For some, this equates to dragging the process on. This idea of getting even takes over their own happiness.

However, while there is nothing wrong in wanting an annulment -- if there are grounds for one -- or attempting to receive alimony from an ex-wife, keep in mind that when it comes to revenge, the best type is to be happy and just move on.

Of course though, this does not mean a husband should just give up on a divorce case, as a settlement should never be taken lightly as it does have the power to effect the rest of a person's life.

Source: Huffington Post, "Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries: Does Getting Even Pay Off?" April 27, 2013

Mother arrested for custodial interference

2013-05-04T02:02:04Z

Issues surrounding child custody are understandably very emotional for parents. In some cases, one parent may not agree with the child custody arrangement being enforced by the courts and wish to take matters into their own hands. However, while this may be tempting it is important to remember the arrangements have been set forth for very specific reasons and going outside of these arrangements could end up resulting in criminal charges.

An example of this recently happened when a 26-year-old mother was arrested after removing her 4-year-old daughter from the primary school she attends. The mother -- who also had a friend with her at the time -- does not have custody of her daughter. Rather, the girl's paternal grandmother has custody. The family is reportedly in a custody dispute with the girl's father and her grandmother.

]]> Everything seemed to come to a head on Friday morning when the girl's mother showed up at the school with another 25-year-old and tried to leave with the 4-year-old. A school employee did attempt to stop the car the three were in, but ended up getting injured in the process.

The car ended up being pulled over by a state trooper and the mother was arrested. The mother was charged with conspiracy to commit custodial interference, trespassing and disturbing the school. She was also charged with possession of narcotics as she reportedly had prescription pills on her that she had obtained illegally.

The 25-year-old that was in the car is also facing charges, including conspiracy to commit custodial inference, trespassing, disturbing the school and first-degree assault and battery as she was the one supposedly responsible for the injuries to the school employee.

In looking at this case, while it is surely an emotional time for the mother, it must also be a hard time for the grandmother who has custody of the 4-year-old girl.

In general, while the reasons behind why the grandmother has custody were not discussed in the news article, there are many grandparents in Missouri who have found themselves in similar situations seeking custody of a grandchild. Often this is done when there are reasons to believe the biological parents cannot care for the child.

Source: The Post and Courier, "Mother charged with removing child from school, Westview Primary employee injured," Natalie Caula, May 3, 2013

It's normal for men to feel a loss after divorce

2013-05-03T22:52:37Z

Divorce is an emotionally trying time for a man. After a divorce, men often feel a huge sense of loss, not only of their wives and families, but also of their sense of self. This in turn can lead to dangerous and destructive behaviors, which can harm them and have a serious impact on how the courts rule on child custody and visitation agreements.

When looking at how men are uniquely affected by divorce, a lot of it comes down to societal views. Not only do many men bind their ego into their marriage, but this also tends to be reinforced by society's views of fatherhood, commitment and being the head of the house. This means that once a marriage ends, men often lose sense of their self-worth.

]]> In turn, this loss leads many to destructive behaviors. Some take the road of throwing themselves into their work. Others turn to dating too quickly or using drugs and alcohol as a way to cope. All of these can have negative consequences, especially when it comes to substance abuse.

However, this is not to say all men are guaranteed to react the same way. Rather, men going through and recovering from a divorce can chose to take a different road and instead of trying to find temporary happiness, they can focus on building self-esteem and re-building their lives. This will ensure not only a better future after the divorce, but also helps to establish balance for children and sets a good example of how to deal with adversity in life.

Source: The Huffington Post, "Men After Divorce: Ego, Self Esteem, & Recovery," Kyle Morrison, May 1, 2013

Mother accused of hiding money for larger child support payout

2013-04-29T14:26:05Z

A 43-year-old mother who is a mountaineer and extreme athlete is being accused of purposely taking advantage of the father of her child in order to receive more than she is entitled to in child support. Her new boyfriend is also accused of playing a role in the scheme that involved deflating her finances in order to secure more than $50,000 a month in child support. Now the three -- the mother, her boyfriend and the father of the 5-year-old -- are all involved in a legal battle.

The boyfriend in this case is Andrew Cader. Cader is a former Goldman Sachs executive and part-owner of the Rays baseball franchise. He is accused of concealing money he was giving to his girlfriend, Annabella Bond, as loans. These "loans" of several million dollars allowed Cader to avoid having to pay gift tax and deflated how much money it would appear that Bond had.

]]> The father in this case is Warren G. Lichtenstein. He was ordered by a Hong Kong court -- after Bond moved with his daughter to the country -- to pay $41,800 a month in child support. Additionally, he pays for many of his daughter's other expenses, like traveling, medical, school and tutoring.

This child support amount was determined based in part on Bond's financial situation. However, the claim is that the court did not know her true financial situation as her boyfriend, Cader, was renting her Hong Kong home for $26,000 a month, but was restructuring the money as a loan. Another $3.5 million was also supposedly given to Bond, but again, was structured as a loan.

Now the case is going before a court in the U.S.

In looking at this case, while most Missouri parents will not be in the situation where an ex is attempting to hide such a high amount of money, there are still parents who will try to lie about income or assets in order to manipulate child support payments. This is part of the reason why it is advised for parents who are going through child custody and child support battles to have legal representation on their side, in order to have someone look out for illegal and dishonest behaviors.

Source: Source: The New York Times, “Millionaires Clash Over Socialite’s Child Support Claims,” Peter Lattman, April 26, 2013

First comes love, then comes home - then the marriage

2013-04-24T21:48:39Z

A recent study suggests that more and more couples are beginning to purchase homes together prior to marriage. This trend differs from previous generations' traditions. The findings from study may eventually help uncover information about divorce.

Coldwell Banker Real Estate performed a study, which notes that one-fourth of homeowners that are married bought their homes before taking the plunge. This is especially true for those ages 18 to 34.

]]> While the study does not have a specific explanation for the new trend, it could have to do with a revised idea of commitment. Maybe the new "engagement" is buying a house. Couples are making efforts to work on serious financial issues before tying the knot. Some say that this represents a sense of maturity.

Also, people are getting married later. The average age of women marrying for the first time was 23.9 in 1990; it is now 26.1. There has been a steady age increase for first-time married men, too. The new trend is good news for the real estate market, as people are not necessarily waiting to get married before buying a home.

All if this makes sense when you consider the fact that 66 percent of couples live together before commitment. Therefore, maybe the buying trend is in accordance with the way relationships work nowadays.

As relationships evolve, we learn more and more about commitment and marriage. This helps us uncover more about divorce and other relationship issues. While the survey does not reveal the effect of the buying trend on divorce numbers, it will not be long before we uncover statistics.

Source: USA Today, "More Millennials get house before getting hitched," Haya El Nasser, April 17, 2013

Single dads can adjust after divorce to be effective parents

2013-04-24T14:00:14Z

For many Missouri fathers, adjusting to life after a divorce can be difficult. This is especially for dads who have to figure out how to connect with their kids if they have shared custody or perhaps only limited visitation rights.

It can be tempting for parents on either side of a divorce to try to influence the children to sympathize with their side; however, in the long run, it can backfire and lead to more trust and uncertainty. While it can be trying, there are some tips an expert recently offered that can help ease the transition to single parent.

]]>

Choose your battles wisely. It doesn't make sense to fight over all the small things. If there are important issues you feel strongly about, prioritize them. Don't argue just for the sake of having an argument.

Don't speak ill of your ex to the kids. It's not just younger kids who might feel guilty over a divorce that they might think is their fault. Even older kids can experience angst over issues like this.

Come together when necessary. Some big life events -- graduations, religious confirmations, birthdays -- might best be celebrated with both ex-spouses there. Remember, it's about the kids, not about the parents.

Allow your ex to be involved. A perceived slight could originate from a lack of communication about almost anything. It's better to nip controversies in the bud so they don't fester and define your interactions as negative -- both for yourself and for the children.

Source: The Huffington Post, "4 Ways To Co-Parent More Successfully After Divorce," Rosalind Sedacca, April 20, 2013

Missouri fathers: Make sure child support orders are enforced

2013-04-17T13:34:58Z

It used to be that mothers were favored in the courtroom when it came to who should receive child custody in a divorce. Typically, the mother would end up receiving primary custody and the father would have visitation rights that equated to every other weekend -- and in some cases -- an additional few nights during the week. The father was also normally the one paying child support to the mother.

However, over the years the courts have started to realize that these types of arrangements are not always in the best interests of the children. Instead, there are fathers who are now being awarded primary custody while the mothers are the ones paying child support.

]]> When this happens, just like any other child support arrangement, the mother is court-ordered to pay the child support. Falling behind on payments can mean criminal charges.

Take for example the recent 39-year-old mother who appeared in court on felony counts related to falling behind on child support. She ended up pleading guilty and was sentenced to the state's Department of Corrections for five years on each count. However, this sentence was suspended with the order of post release supervision.

She was also ordered to pay back $5,000 toward what is owed and must pay an additional $270 in child support each month for her children until she has paid back what is owed.

In looking at cases such as this, caring for a child is quite expensive. Parents with primary custody need this child support money. This is why a father who is owed child support should not just let the infraction slide. Rather, if money is owed, contact an attorney in Missouri who has experience handling child support enforcement cases.

Source: WJTV, "Deadbeat Mom Sentenced for Failing to Pay Child Support," April 16, 2013

Emotions are normal for everyone during divorce

2013-04-15T19:55:46Z

We live in a society where people tend to bottle up their emotions. Especially when it comes to men, the idea of just sucking it up and getting through a tough emotional time is considered a norm. But, keeping emotions in during a divorce -- regardless of gender -- is dangerous and does not promote healthy healing.

The first thing to realize is that emotions are going to come up during a divorce. However, instead of just keeping them in, let them out in a healthy way. For example, exercise can be great for blowing off some steam when particularly angry. And, for those who are rather private people yet still need someone to talk with, professional help can work wonders.

]]> Now is also not the time to make any rash decisions. Not only could this end up negatively effecting a divorce settlement, but it could affect the rest of a person's life. This means that while it may feel like a clean break, it is not time to move to another state or change careers right after filing for divorce. Especially when kids and visitation rights are involved, make sure to think about how any decisions could affect future time with the children.

When going through a divorce, some may want to go through it alone from an emotional and legal standpoint. While this may seem like something that can be done, it is recommended against. Instead, aside from seeking professional help and support from friends and family, also talk with an attorney to make sure the best legal interests are being kept in mind throughout this difficult time.

Source: Huffington Post, "5 Common Divorce Mistakes," Allison Pescosolido, April 8, 2013

Men looking for alimony in divorce

2013-04-12T19:01:36Z

It used to be that men almost always automatically earned more money than their wives. This left wives in the situation of fighting for some sort of a fair divorce settlement. However, as the times have changed and women have started to earn more, many now have a higher net worth than their husbands. This means it could be the men looking for alimony from their ex-wives in the case of divorce.

According to one report, it is becoming less rare for the wife to be earning more money in a dual-income family. Granted, this was only reported in about 16 percent of the marriages, but the number is increasing over time. This means there are a number of divorces where the men are the ones attempting to negotiate alimony and child care costs.

]]> Of course having a prenuptial agreement prior to getting married could go a long way in avoiding litigation down the road. But, even having an agreement is not a sure fire way to avoid court, as there could be validity concerns.

For men in Missouri going through a divorce, the thing to remember is that times have changed and men are not always now the breadwinners in the relationships. And just like how there was no shame in women looking for fair divorce settlements to reflect past trends, there is no shame in a husband attempting to receive what is rightfully his.

Additionally, while trends surrounding income and alimony have changed so too have ideas regarding child custody and divorce. For Missouri fathers wanting to learn more; talk with an attorney who focuses on fathers' rights.

Source: Forbes, "Divorcing Women: When You Earn More Than Your Husband," Jeff Landers, April 10, 2013

Is it better to file for divorce first in Missouri?

2013-04-08T18:52:34Z

It is not uncommon for a Missouri spouse to contemplate divorce for quite some time before asking their significant other for a divorce. In some cases, the one who was thinking about filing even learns that their spouse was thinking the exact same thing. However, if it can be helped, filing for divorce first is financially a good idea.

When thinking about divorce, even before bringing up the final decision to a significant other, this is also the time to start collecting information that is going to be used in the divorce, such as insurance information, bank account statements and tax returns. Collecting this information right away stops the other spouse from attempting to get in the way of collecting this necessary information.

]]> During this time of setting information aside, now is also the time to start putting aside money for the expenses that will be associated with the divorce. Even in cases where the divorce is completely amicable, if children are involved there is going to be added expenses and there will always be filing fees. If the divorce is contested, the costs associated could be even higher.

Filing first also reduces the chances of the other spouse being able to hide any assets. Instead, just make sure all assets are documented beforehand.

Of course, this advice should not be taken to mean that it should be a race to filing for divorce first. Rather, if a Missouri spouse is pretty sure that divorce is going to be in their future, it simply will not hurt to start gathering information and resources ahead of time. Talking to an attorney beforehand can also help when it comes to questions that will surely arise.

Source: The Week, "Making money: Planning for divorce, and more," Sergio Hernandez, April 8, 2013

Part two: The role of grandparents after divorce

2013-04-06T15:53:28Z

Given the fact that grandparents play such a vital role in a child's life, in our last post we focused on why grandparents should maintain relationships with their ex-son-in-laws and ex-daughter-in-laws. This is not intended to create a rift between an adult child and their parent, but rather to strengthen the bonds and maintain visitation time with grandchildren after a divorce.

However, when spending time with grandchildren, grandparents should be prepared for the fact that the children may bring up the divorce. A lot of times, due to the stability of their grandparents' homes, children may feel comfortable enough to open up. When this happens, grandparents should be listeners and be there for the grandchildren. Grandparents should make sure to respond positively and always make sure the children understand the divorce was not their fault.

]]> In cases where a grandparent does have strong opinions on the matter, keep in mind the grandchildren love both of their parents. When talking with grandchildren, it is not time to point fingers at either parent.

All of this being said, the divorce should only be talked about when the grandchildren bring it up; not the other way around. In cases where the grandchildren bring up an issue that the parent should know about, grandparents should bring this up with the parent, but not in front of the children. Also make sure to not be accusatory when bringing up the issue, but rather be sympathetic and keep in mind that everyone's best interests are the children.

In the end, grandparents should recognize the fact that they play an important role in their grandchildren's lives. In situations where a parent is trying to keep a grandparent out of their grandchild's life, or in situations where a parent is incapable of caring for their child and the grandparent should be in charge, an attorney should be contacted.

To learn more, visit our St. Louis grandparents' rights page.

Source: Huffington Post, "Helping Grandkids Survive Divorce," March 29, 2013